PCOS and why I won't get pregnant…
I’ll admit, I’m on a bit of a blogging bent today. I already spent about a week thinking about the topic I’m going to discuss throughout this post. My other post today was reactionary. Just FYI. 
So, onward…
Almost one-and-one-half years ago, my then-boyfriend proposed to me after almost three years dating. Of course, I said yes. Flash-forward to today, April 2008, and I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked two clear questions: 1) when’s the wedding? and 2) are you going to have children? My answers, which I’ve now give on autopilot are: 1) we’re not sure yet, and 2) NO and Hell No. Regarding the wedding, for those of you who at home who are keeping score — it’s because we’ve spent a lot of time mobile and long-distance. We thought giving a try to actually living in the same zip code might be a new and novel idea. (note the sarcasm).
Heredity, on the other hand, has been a cruel master to me and my health. It was like I hit age 30 and the warranty expired on my body. Now mind you, I’ve battled other chronic health issues since my teenage years, namely PCOS. It wasn’t until about seven (7) years ago, though, that I had my definitive polycystic ovarian syndrome and insulin resistance (now diabetes) diagnoses. I’ve known since my junior-high days that something was incredibly not right with my body hormonally. It’s sad that it took until my mid-to-late 20s to finally find a doctor who was actually clued in to PCOS to diagnose it — but I digress into another bent.
So my answer when people ask if we plan to have children is always a resounding NO. First off, we (being the aforementioned fiance and I) have a niece and two twin nephews who we love to dote on and spoil, much to their parent’s chagrin. I have had great sputtering contests with the niece (because she thinks it’s funny to do) and I’ve spent many a day running around my future in-law’s wood floors after the nephews as they’ve raced around and around in their walkers. I love those kids to death, and wouldn’t trade the time I have with them for the world.
But at the same time, both my fiance and I battle too many inherited and/or chronic illnesses. We are also a very mobile couple, and don’t think we’d do a kid any justice because our lives are so chaotic. Foremost, however, is the fact that we don’t want to pass what we’ve battled (medically) on to a child to then have to deal with. I can just see it – our hypothetical son or daughter would reach 18 having dealt with their own health issues by then and say “Thanks. Thanks a Whole Freakin’ Lot.” I don’t want a daughter to fight PCOS anymore than I like doing it (because I don’t). I don’t want a son to know that at some point, his body will rebel on him and he’ll have to take medication to control his blood sugars.
So, for us, our “children” will be of the furry and scaley variety…and perhaps we’ll adopt a few dust bunnies in the process.
Stacey
April 24th, 2008 at 3:15 pm #
I am so impressed by your viewpoint on this. When we found out that autism was running rampant through te family, I started to pray for a daughter, which I had. But then I started the PCOS and I prayed for a son, which I had… thankfully my son is not autistic, but I think Brianna has inherited my *problems*. Her emotions are off the charts and she is only 7! She is already developing physically so she will probably be an early menstrater to. YAY. (note my sarcasm) but I am scared for her because she will have to make an important decision in her life: Does she want college first or children first? If she goes to college, her PCOS may get the upper hand and render her infertile by the time she is out of college. If she has children while she is still fertile, then she will have to give up on schooling for awhile and possibly give up on some dreams. It is a horrible thing to have someone choose at such a young age and I won’t force it on her in any way shape or form.. personally I hope she chooses college and that modern medicine will be better at that time. I chose my children first and college second and was completely infertile by age 24. If I had a chance to think it through, I would agree with you, sometimes with health issues such as these, it is difficult to justify passing them on to an innocent person. I am grateful my son is not autistic, but 5 of my 6 nephews are. My son is the other one of the boys to escape so that makes 5 out of 7 boys autistic. The girls have to deal with the hormone issues. Fully on my mom’s side, my Grandma died of uterine cancer , my mom’s twin had ovarian cancer, my mom had a complete hysterectomy at 32, my sister has one ovary left and she is 28 and I am desperate to keep my plumbing as long as I can. It’s a nightmare, and when you have genetics like this, it’s hard to justify having children. My mom apologizes to me on a daily basis about my genetics.
Will you consider adopting an older child someday or is that not something you can even think about at this point?
Thanks PCOS! Love, Happily Barren | I Want Your Skull
May 5th, 2008 at 11:08 pm #
[...] to infertility and pregnancy, so it was refreshing to read Linda’s post on PCOS Today about her decision not to have children. She seems to be an exception to the rule though. While I can sympathize with women who have [...]
MaKayla
May 6th, 2008 at 10:29 am #
Ok. I’m 16 and last year I was diagnosed with PCOS and I really want children from your point of view should i just never try…at all, cause of how depressing it might be???
pcostoday
May 6th, 2008 at 1:01 pm #
MaKayla — Honestly, kiddo, I think it has to be a personal choice whether or not to have children. AND, just because you’re dealing with PCOS does not mean that there isn’t the potential that you CAN become pregnant and carry to full term someday. I just consciously chose, because of my health (in full….because PCOS is NOT the only thing I deal with) not to have children.
AnakM
July 27th, 2008 at 1:41 pm #
MaKayla – I’m 34 with PCOS. My RE doesnt think its a problem to have kids at all! Dont worry.
Thanks PCOS! Love, Happily Barren | Smashing Skulls
February 5th, 2009 at 11:50 pm #
[...] to infertility and pregnancy, so it was refreshing to read Linda’s post on PCOS Today about her decision not to have children. She seems to be an exception to the rule though. While I can sympathize with women who have [...]
Damaris
February 18th, 2009 at 9:48 pm #
I’m 23 years old and I was diagnosed PCOS 2 years ago. The cyst got so big that it damaged my left ovary. Eventually, it was removed and I only have one.
No one in the family from mom or dad’s side have the problem. Everyday I think about if I should try to get pregant or not. I finish college this may 09 for my business degree. Right Now I just feel depressed and confused.
Cathy
October 31st, 2009 at 5:21 pm #
I have PCOS and now, two healthy teenagers also.